CAPTIVE

 

I name myself a captive 

trapped inside these intertwined loop of ominous thoughts

a hostage to all these imaginary scenarios 

I describe my feelings as starved and smothered 

no of course I eat my meal very well

yet I starve,

I starve for something far more impervious 

I perceive myself as indecisive 

I cant figure what's correct or what's wrong 

I feel like I'm floating most of the time 

and only a few things make realize that I'm alive 

I regard myself as lost

finding myself zoned out 

irrespective of my feelings and emotions

I consider my intentions as pure 

trying and willing to help everyone I can

even though I'm the one that needs help

Yet ,I find myself hated

being called selfish 

when I try to do most for others 

and bare minimum for myself 

No I don't think that's a flex

but that's just how I was designed to be

neither can I hold ego nor can I hate

I'm recognized as deluded 

wondering about all the suffering I go through

comparing them to sorrowful people 

And then I ask myself 

who the captive is

                                                                                                                                

                                                                                                                                    -GARIMA SUBEDI